1. Biking up the hill to Kry's house was a struggle. I was sweating profusely, but determined! It was a long way up Norwood, and as I reached the top a man was rounding the corner. He was old, going for a stroll and had his white socks pulled halfway up his calves. "Hello," he said, "That wasn't easy, was it? But you made it."

2. Do you remember your first boyfriend's shitty apartment? The stained carpet, the ugly shower curtain, the ratty green couch where he tried to teach you how to play video games? Why do summer and love seem to go hand in hand? I remember the light coming in through the window as I shouted "I love you!" with conviction. The declarations we made, those "best days of our lives", do they measure up now? Do I measure up now? Of course not, but in a way it still inspires me. Just now I felt the urge to put down my cigarette and come inside and articulate this. I've always prided myself on my good memory, but I suppose as new loves and semi-loves and heartbreaks come along, certain things get pushed into the back of one's mind. They are stirred up only when triggered by something familiar. Today, however, I thought about the importance of remembering my first love. It sounds trite to say "we had a lot of good times", but it's true. We were just kids then, gathering up our quarters and walking down the street to get a snack. Now, conversations are few and far between, consisting of adult problems like lay-offs and credit card debt. In that context, old feelings don't seem worth remembering, but despite this I put out that cigarette to come inside.

3. These past few days I have felt so gloriously stable. I have to quit smoking again, by default, because I am out of money. It's for the best, I think I only start up again because I go to Los Angeles and I get a lot of cute ideas about cigarettes from my friends. Now, though, I am out and I just have to try not to be grumpy.

4. Related to #1
Sometimes one of his friends will suggest to me that we all hang out with his fiancee. I don't know what he expects...some sort of catfight or the imagined plot to a move called BREAKIN' UP THE DERFLINGERS!

5. Unrelated to #1
Last night I dreamed of Tokyo, where you had arranged a food outing for a number of friends. At the restaurant's counter, we moved to the back of the line of our large group, wanting to feel polite. I rested my hand on your shoulder and made small talk. At the table, you sat with your new girl. She had long, dark hair. When turned to me, saying, "I know everything about you," I could only smile.

6. Having recently graduated, it seems that everyone I know is caught in a strange cycle of simultaneously reminiscing and anxiously looking toward their futures.

7. What's up with all the sentimental fools that think being in a relationship will solve all their problems? At this age, EMOTIONS RUN HIGH AND HORMONES ARE RAGING! Love and sex are popular conversation topics, and I feel like we just talk about the same things over and over and over. I'm so tired.

the best days we used to have