thoughts that will no longer stay inside my head

1. Most people I know are picky about who they associate with, but social pragmatism is a practice I don't really adhere to. There is just something about that attitude that I find disheartening. I don't follow any particular set of criteria for what sort of person I would befriend or spend my time with. You don't have to be hip or smart or beautiful for me to give you the time of day. That isn't to say that I like everybody I meet or like everybody I know equally, but I find that I can get along with most people, at least in a surface-level way. I don't think I am seeking any tangible thing from (most of) my associations, but find that I am interested in knowing someone for the sake of knowing them in itself. Some people are more interesting than others, definitely, but there is something in the act of simple conversation that fascinates me. Most often, I enjoy listening to the things people have to say. I also feel compelled to try and comfort people whenever they are sad or whatever. Empathy is likely my most-used emotion. I find it startling that most people are unable or unwilling to be good and kind to others. I mean, I don't think I'm operating on some higher level or anything, I know I have my flaws and shortcomings. I have definitely let people down or been mean at times, but at the very least, I try not to let this be my modus operandi. Maybe my ability to be a good friend and a good listener and a keen empathizer don't come from a place of altruism inside me. I have considered that my willingness to readily forgive transgressions, willingness to be friends with people I don't particularly like and willingness to be a good listener could be flaws rather than positive attributes; stemming from a fundamental disconnect I feel with people and an unwillingness to show myself to others. I guess there's no way to know, really. I just wish we lived in a kinder world!

2. I'm not sure if any of the above made any sense, and am afraid it sounded pompous.

3. I had a dream that somebody sliced off my fingers one-by-one.

4. Speaking of fingers, lately I have been wondering if there is a connection between having eczema and some sort of early-onset arthritis. Constant, repetitive scratching motions can't be good for my joints. If someday I find myself in my 40s, itchy but unable to scratch without encountering pain in my hands...well, I may as well die.

5. Having to be clever for members of the opposite sex is sometimes amusing but often a pain. I feel the need to match a man, wit for wit, even if I don't like him or anything. Because what could be worse than being unimpressive?

6. I walked outside in my pajamas the other day and found an envelope addressed to me on my doorstep. Literally on the ground. It turned out to be my diploma, which is one of the most unimpressive pieces of paper I've encountered in my life thus far.

7. Sex is a strange and powerful force in our lives, and I won't claim to have any understanding of it. Thinking about sex as a concept leaves me just about completely mystified. I am not entirely sure if I really enjoy sex, but I don't question the fact that it is probably a necessary form of mental and physical maintenance. Yeah, it's probably best for people to have sex when a good opportunity shows itself.

8. By the by: "mystified" is one of my favorite words (in English)

9.
(8:51:38 PM) i wish i had katrina in my phone in high school
(8:53:40 PM) damn useful app

I am ready to transcend my earthly existence and become an iphone application (for the good of mankind)