kill yourselves now

Had this godawful time the other day.  I am nearing a retail job breaking point.  A bunch of ineffable reasons, really.   Whenever I think I just can't go on anymore, something happens like a dog with three legs walks by pathetically and I feel like a real asshole.   As usual, time dragged on mercilessly toward shift-end o'clock. Exhausted and totally depressed, I didn't know what to do other than to indulge in a milkshake and a cigarette and sit worn-out and slumped in my car.  Eventually I had to make a drive.  Went down the expressway sobbing and saying "oh, oh, oh!" to myself.  Not sure what I was looking for at the other end--validation, understanding, love, or whatever.  Everything came out wrong; I ended up sounding petty and spoiled the way I always do.  I just couldn't be alone, I wished I could find the most downtrodden human being imaginable and hold that person close.