had a job interview today; didn't go too well. i guess that's just as well because it was a crappy retail job.  i've been applying to jobs i would really loathe to do, simply because i need/want money. as soon as the place called me i felt depressed.  the thought of working retail again sent me into ptsd flashbacks, reliving the worst moments of previous jobs.  still, even if the job isn't for me i 1. need money and 2. can't help but feel bad when i don't do well at something.  afterward, i got into my car genuinely missing my tutoring job and feeling angsty about The System. i put on a playlist of my most obscure favorite japanese oldies. ha, whatever, i don't fit into that cookie cutter mall mold anyway.

:'(

TEMP JOB OVER.  UNEMPLOYED AGAIN. ARGH.

I now know what I'm gonna be doing next year.  Service stuff, low pay.  Hopefully high reward?  Unfortunately for me, I have a keen sense of social responsibility.  I hope I've made the right decision.

Just the thought of going back to retail makes me fucking cringe...but here I am, applying, because I need money and money means a second job and this is just the easiest (probably only) way for me to keep the job I already have.
god damn it

Just got the second interview for a program I really want to do.   Guess this is gonna be another good weekend! I'm happy, cos I had given up hope!

x(
they're cracking the whip at work

OMG I JUST GOT PAID FEELS SO GOOD I HAVE NOT HAD MONEY IN FOREVER.  FOREVER!

HMMM. So, things are pretty much settled at work...I guess. I'm tutoring part time.  The pay is good but there aren't very many hours.  The kids...are...OK.  I think I'm growing on them, but who knows?  You can never tell with teenagers. I still need a job with more hours.  I'm trying to get into a service program thing...but who knows.

I had a job interview today for a service program that I would really, really like to do and I'm afraid that I made myself sound like a super privileged bourgie prick.   I mean, I am bourgie, but I'm only kind of privileged and I'm definitely not a prick.  Oh, and I TOTALLY "GET IT."  ....I think.  Except when I'm nervous...then I don't get it at all and I say potentially dumb things.

Anyway, the interview was OK otherwise. Possibly good. I made it to the second round of interviews. I guess my goal there is to not sound privileged.  Yep.

so i guess i kind of have a job now

I came to the realization that my previous job cashiering taught me patience and something that is probably best described as zen.  Working at "well known American home improvement chain" involved a lot of waiting around for something to do, and even when I was doing something, I really wasn't doing anything.  All the assigned work consisted of tasks that in the near future will probably be left to robots and highly trained chimpanzee volunteers.  I wasn't supposed to do anything.  I wasn't allowed to leave my assigned work area and look for more work to do.  Attempting to make conversation with people would only yield reprimand. And so on.  Each day I would run out of things to do, and then, amazingly, I would run out of things to pretend to be doing.  At first I thought, this is great, I have all the time in the world to just think about whatever I want!  Somehow, though, after a number of months it seemed that my mind had exhausted itself.  I'd thought about my life, contemplated alien civilizations and pondered my coworker's hairstyles.  Most lines of thought ended in metaphysical analysis of my own personal despair at my crappy job, so it came to be that there was nothing much left to think about.  So I spent most of every day standing around not doing anything with my mind blank.  Nowadays when I have to wait in a line or if somebody is running late and I'm just standing around waiting for them, I don't get feel antsy and impatient.  I HAVE LEARNED TO JUST "BE."

twenty-first century indeed

Now are the times where one conducts interview via webcam and when one sits down to blog immediately after any emotional experience.

I just finished an interview on skype...a skypeterview, if you will.  This was my first experience having an interview via webcam, but I'm sure it won't be my last.  Welcome to the global village, blah blah blah.  It was for a position teaching English, either in Korea or to Koreans via webcam.  The guy who interviewed me was wearing a headset and drinking a soda.  He was a really straightforward guy and told me that I may not be the right fit for the job. It was really weird to have somebody just say that to me...but refreshing.  Basically, the other teachers are all a bunch of lawyers, college professors and the like who teach English online at night...so he has to think about it.  Well!  I'm not sure what's gonna happen, but at the very least I am glad to be a contender among the night English teaching ubermensch of America.

Reading blogs about jobs and careers is so fucking boring.  I mean, I know there are blogs out there that are supposed to give a fresh, interesting spin on such topics but I really just can't read any of them.  Maybe this is why I'm still unemployed.  Whenever people start talking about their jobs, resumes, careers, and the like I go catatonic.  I've always thought of work (most types, anyway) as a necessary evil rather than an interseting conversation topic.  Before my trip when I was working I would find myself talking about my job all the time and I hated myself for it.  Why did I do it?  Nothing could possibly have been more boring of me.

I found several white hairs on my head the other night and I was struck with a renewed sense of dread and panic about the future.  The thought occured to me that I could go completely gray and still not have a real job.  At this point winning the lotto feels legitimately more plausible than having a job.

PS: I'm not attacking my friends that talk about their jobs, btw.  I know it's just what people do.  I just don't get the popularity of career blogs.  I guess I'm still one of those kids reading icanhazcheezburger.  Maybe some day I'll graduate to Brazen Careerist...

>:o!!

So, sometimes customers at work make conversation with me and ask me if I'm in school.  I tell them that I graduated from UCLA.  Most people are nice enough to let it rest, but the other day this middle aged guy proceeded to lecture me for fifteen or so minutes about my life ...seriously.  It was weird and mean.  He was clearly an idiot.  Some of the things he said were that "history is just memorization" (lol) and that I "should be a math teacher because I need logic in my life" and that the job I had at UCLA working with a center that advocated for history in the K-12 classroom was "just a hobby, not a job." ....Just a few gems.

I really, really, really hate my job.  REALLY REALLY REALLY.  Most customers are OK, but every so often some jackass comes along and makes me feel bad.  I can honestly say that I don't take much stock in what stupid things people say to me, but the things people say to me DO make me think and evaluate.  Obviously, I don't like working in a retail job, especially after graduating from a good university with a good GPA and various other accomplishments under my belt.  Questions about the real worth of my degree, the direction my life is heading, and my own self-worth weigh heavily on my mind each day.

There's no real point to this.  I just feel shitty.

i hate old luddites that don't understand anything

I am a college graduate so I may be disproportionately bitter about my job in retail, but nevertheless I would like to take this opportunity to say that I hate old luddites that "don't understand" anything. 

My place of employment recently did a "remodel" of sorts.  None of the changes had a significant impact on the shopping experience...a lot of it was just painting things, making things look nicer, etc.  Yet a bunch of customers said things like "You guys are making a lot of changes around here..." I could hear genuine fear in their voices.  What gives?  Why do people freak out about change?  Especially when they are old.  If you're really, really old, shouldn't the fact that things change be  all the more obvious?  I mean, things are pretty different than say, 60 or 70 years ago, right?  Having lived through that, why is it such a big deal when a store you go to gets a new paint desk?


I hate being a cashier.  People freak out about forms of payment all the time.  It's always because they "don't understand."

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HAVE TO SEE MY IDENTIFICATION!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY MY CARD WAS DECLINED!

WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME BACK MY CHECK? WHAT IS AN ELECTRONIC CHECK??? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!! I USED TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING IN GOLD, WHERE IS YOUR SCALE????!

and so on. 

I am so tired of paranoid people that are always upset and afraid that somebody is trying to mess with their money or waste their time.  If one more person freaks out about the switch to electronic checks and yells at me, I am going to flip.  What is so complicated about the concept of a "returned check fee"?  Why do people get so confused?  I once literally had an entire family stare blankly at me for several minutes when I told them their credit card was declined.  After the stare down they handed the same card back to me and told me they would like to pay.


And while I'm on the subject:  why do people expect me to know the answers to their questions, anyway?  I don't understand why your car was declined either, sir. No,  I have no idea how much is due on your bill for the store credit card.   People don't seem to realize that I am working on a fucking cash register, not a supercomputer with a database containing all their credit information.


askljdflkasjdflksdjlksjfslkd

temporary everything

I got a job. It's not a "real" job. I'm cashiering at a popular hardware retail chain. I like it fine, but seriously, what the fuck?