a list of things of which i can safely say i am phobic:

weird patterns...things that look like cracks...old things, anything old.  old, man made things like things you see in museums. patina and rust make me sick to my stomach... the thought of ancient dust collecting in the crevices of ancient things makes me feel awful. almost all metal things, just feel too un-organic.  jewelery.  i have a strange aversion to jewelery, although it is not nearly as bad as when i was younger.  people who wear too much jewelery make me uncomfortable.  i dislike (immensely) eating in a restaurant with a person wearing jewelery in plain view.  you think i am joking.  earrings, especially, really bother me. especially in old women, there is something about an old wrinkly ear with an earring in it that really disturbs me.  the idea of chefs cooking without taking their rings off!!! people who take showers with jewelery on.... creepy old crosses and rosaries.     this is going to sound ridiculous but i used to abhor walnuts still in the shell and have an irrational fear that a walnut would turn up in my food (soup in particular). i have since mostly come to terms with walnuts but i am still afraid something weird will be in my food almost every time i eat.  i can't stand super fancy old china and silverware like the stuff you'd find at an old person's house (old peoples' houses in general make me feel really on edge because i am always afraid i will see something old that will give me a panic attack or something).  i don't like things with holes in them.  they make me think about having holes in my scalp for some reason.  when i lie in my bed at night, i am paranoid that something will poke my back even though there is nothing that possibly could.  when i was a kid it used to be an irrational fear of little gnomes living in my mattress waiting to stick me with needles when i was about to fall asleep (i am serious) but now it's just a fear of things poking my back.  old door knows or any kind of knob like on a cabinet. forks are probably my least favorite thing on the planet. i hate forks with designs on them, they make me feel really uncomfortable.  i end up having to use them in restaurants often so i try to ignore them.  forks really scare me. i don't know why. i prefer plastic forks.  i know they're not sustainable, i'm sorry!

i am not kidding when i say that all these things (and more that i am probably forgetting) really freak me out. i am always on edge because inevitably there is something old, or something with holes in it, or cracks, or a fork around, you know? will my neuroses take my life over and drive me insane some day? maybe they already are. sometimes i just want to move into an apartment alone and surround myself solely with things i've carefully selected that won't bother me.